Anywhere but here...

I drank beer and watched comedians, and Brad and I had a good time. I know I overreact sometimes. Sometimes it feels like the world is crashing down in a torrential rain, even though logically I know it’s just drizzling. Perhaps I’ve just been tired, I’ve been worn out. The days keep blending in together and I just don’t know where the breaks are in between anymore. What I want is so far away and uncertain that I begin to feel helpless. I suppose my point here is that I’m not like this all the time. I don’t know how to talk to people, and I wouldn’t want to subject people to my woes, so I talk on here and I open myself up to the abyss the way I can’t open myself up to people. It’s probably the only way that I stay sane…otherwise I’d keep it all bottled up, or spend the days crying in my room. I suppose one day things will start falling together so that I can see the big picture. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to find the side pieces to the puzzle. 

Sometimes I’m absolutely brilliant, and sometimes I forget how to read. 

I always come up with these brilliant text posts when I’m doing something, then as soon as I get on Tumblr I completely forget what I was going to put. 

I hate being the third person, awkwardly standing on the side. I hate being invited to something but being totally ignored. I hate it when all of my friends go somewhere and not tell me. I hate not understanding an inside joke. Being left out is terrible. It leaves you lonely and empty.

You know what I hate? When my parents get me something years ago, and then out of nowhere someone they know is looking for that thing so they offer to give that thing to them. Um excuse me? That’s mine, and I use it, and I’m not giving it up because button makers are fucking expensive as hell, and we got this one really cheap at an auction. 

If I didn’t have heartburn/acid reflux crap right now, I’d love to go to bed because I am so tired. But my throat and chest are on fire so I have to wait until it goes away. Sigh. What to do in the meantime…? 

Ugh I’m finally home…

I CAN FINALLY SHOWER